Member Articles & Books
The Road Home: A Guided Journey to Church Forgiveness and Reconciliation (Cascade Books, 2013) by Dr. Darrell Puls
The Road Home describes the world's first group/large scale forgiveness and reconciliation process that is based on 20 years of clinical studies, group psychology, and facilitative best practices. Though designed for Christian churches, the underlying dynamics are universal and can be used in secular settings with only small modifications. The process itself (The Crucible) has been field-tested, and the clinical underpinnings have been examined by some of the world's leading forgiveness researchers and clinicians. The foreword was written by Everett Worthington, Jr., who is one of the most respected and published forgiveness/trauma experts in the world, and the book has been endorsed by the Christian Associatuion for Psychological Studies and the American Association of Christian Counselors. The Road Home is available from all major booksellers, and as a digital book from both Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Forgiveness Workbook by Eileen Barker
This Step by Step Guide that provides an insightful overview on forgiveness and a powerful self-guided forgiveness process. Using a clear, practical approach, this 60-page workbook shows how to use forgiveness as a powerful healing tool to release the past and restore peace and well-being. It can be applied to any conflict, grievance, trauma, or other difficult situation. It is an ideal tool for those who want to learn about and practice forgiveness on their own.
Forgiveness Meditation CD by Eileen Barker
This is a guided visualization for forgiving, healing and letting go of conflict. Whether you are dealing with a current situation, or carrying the burden of a longstanding conflict from the past, the CD guides you to forgive the other person and yourself, as you release the conflict from your life and restore yourself to peace. It is a wonderful companion to the workbook, that helps integrate your forgiveness work.
Both can be ordered here: http://thepathofforgiveness.com/tools/
How Do You Know If You’re Conflict Weary?
If You Have to Ask…You Are
by Laura L. Noah
MA in Dispute Resolution
Advanced Family Practitioner Level Member of ACR
www.noahmediation.com
Mediator Geoff Sharp asked an important question in his blog mediator blah ... blah ...: "How do you know when you're conflict weary?" Mediator burn out is something we just don’t seem to discuss as a field. Yet it’s a very real, very important one for all professionals working in conflict resolution. Mediators may benefit from resources other professionals have provided around “compassion fatigue” and “secondary trauma.” These are terms most often associated with the care-taking professions such as the medical field or social work but the concepts are not lost on dispute resolution professionals. Most importantly, however, we as mediators need to be honest about the impact that the work we do has on us both physically and emotionally. Perhaps it is because of the pressure to maintain neutrality that keeps us from admitting and expressing some of the negative consequences of our work. Or perhaps it’s because we’re all martyrs in some way or another that makes admitting our own weaknesses difficult. What mediator hasn’t heard a stranger, upon learning of our chosen profession, exclaim over how brave and patient and strong we must be to do the work that we do? It takes all of those things, including an ability to absorb people’s most negative emotions and release them back into the universe in a non-destructive way, to be a successful mediator. Yet some of that negativity will inevitably stay with us no matter how good or strong or understanding or patient or experienced we are. Even the best mediators in the world need help and support. As a profession, we need to have more honest conversations about the impact that our work has on us, and develop resources, tools, and coping mechanisms to better address the accumulation of emotional baggage unique to our field before we lose too many more good people to burn out.
Geoff asked: “How do you know when you’re conflict weary?” I think if a mediator is asking him or herself that question, then he or she already knows the answer. Perhaps the next question is: what do I need to take care of myself? Are there people both within and outside of my profession whom I trust will help me through this? Can I take care of myself while I’m continuing to do the work, do I need to take a short break from the work to take care of myself, or should I consider a long, perhaps permanent break?
I think, regardless of how much any of us love what we do, it’s okay – and essential – that as mediators we recognize when we’re tired and burnt out, that we create the space to support one another around it, and that we stop pretending we’re impervious to pain.
*****
Two helpful resources if you think you may be becoming burned out:
1. Compassion Fatigue Self-Test from Ace. This test helps you gauge your current level of compassion fatigue and your Burn Out Quotient. Click here
2. ACRSS Rocky Mount Retreat. If your work requires you to engage your conflict resolution skills on a regular basis, and you’re reaching the end of your rope, come get rejuvenated at the ACRSS Rocky Mountain Retreat, which is designed to help sustain and nurture you, the mediation practitioner.
Michael John Aloi, Immediate Past President, ACR; Past Co-Chair, ACR Spirituality Section (ACRSS) and Past President WV State Bar had this to say about his experiences with the ACRSS Rocky Mountain Retreat:
“I’ve found the Rocky Mountain Retreat to be a transformational professional and personal experience. I know firsthand that I must first nurture and know myself before I can ever help others. I found myself surrounded by beautiful people in a beautiful setting. And I learned to think and feel about my work in a new and powerful way."
For a detailed agenda about this retreat (July 29-31; optional pre-retreat day July 28), visithttp://www.mediate.com/acrspirituality/pg59.cfm
Conflict Resolution in Church by Paul Davis
The Spiritual Side of ADR by Tim Mordaunt, Attorney –Mediator
The Compassionate Mind in Mediation by Jill Sarah Moscowitz
Bringing A Spiritual Approach to My Mediator Work by Elisabeth Seaman
Listening to Transcend Conflict by Marilyn Shannon & Deborah Isenhour
Detaching from Our Stories by Sharon Shuteran
The Holistic Practice of Conflict Resolution by Nan Waller Burnett, MAand Sally K. Ortner, J.D.
Book Review Of Collaborative Divorce Handbook: Helping Families Without Going To Court, by Nan Waller Burnett
Conflict and Spirituality by J. Patick Wares, M.D.
From Reactivity To Responsiveness: Reflections for the Rocky Mountain Retreat Presentation By Lili Zohar, JD. LL.M, RYT
Spirituality and Training by Zena Zumeta
Spiritual Intelligence in Conflict: Creating A Reflective Holistic Practice
Memoirs From The 2006 Rocky Mountain Retreat by Alexis Namaste
"Bringing Peace into the Room: the Personal Qualities of the Mediator and their Impact on the Mediation" by Daniel Bowling and David Hoffman. Click here to download the full pdf article.
" Faith Paths to Peace" Compiled by Trip Barthel ([email protected] )
Click here to download a Word document contains a collection of quotations from many faiths. Well worth reading.
Books
Calm in the Face of the Storm. “A simple daily dose, a morning gift for anyone working day in and out in the wonderfully challenging arena of conflict, mediation and peacebuilding. These short, insightful essays fill an important and too often overlooked gap in the professional field—the need to sustain our spirit, build our enthusiasm, and deepen our reservoir of compassion, the platform that from which hope rises for the necessary accompaniment of those experiencing pain and confusion in the search for meaning in the midst of conflict. This book should be located right alongside the palm pilot, the calendar, or the morning latté. Start anywhere, read in any direction—it’s a gift.” -- review by John Paul Lederach, PhD. Peacebuilder, scholar and author click here to learn more or to purchase Calm in the Face of the Storm.
Non-Adversarial Communication: Speaking and Listening from the Heart" by authors Brownell and Bache-Wiig.click here to see a review of the book by Robert C. Atchley, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Gerontology (Emeritus), Miami University, and former Chairman of the Board of Conflict Resolution Services, Oxford, Ohio.
If you would like to add an article to the Spirituality Section website, please forward your submission to Darrell Puls at [email protected].
The Road Home describes the world's first group/large scale forgiveness and reconciliation process that is based on 20 years of clinical studies, group psychology, and facilitative best practices. Though designed for Christian churches, the underlying dynamics are universal and can be used in secular settings with only small modifications. The process itself (The Crucible) has been field-tested, and the clinical underpinnings have been examined by some of the world's leading forgiveness researchers and clinicians. The foreword was written by Everett Worthington, Jr., who is one of the most respected and published forgiveness/trauma experts in the world, and the book has been endorsed by the Christian Associatuion for Psychological Studies and the American Association of Christian Counselors. The Road Home is available from all major booksellers, and as a digital book from both Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Forgiveness Workbook by Eileen Barker
This Step by Step Guide that provides an insightful overview on forgiveness and a powerful self-guided forgiveness process. Using a clear, practical approach, this 60-page workbook shows how to use forgiveness as a powerful healing tool to release the past and restore peace and well-being. It can be applied to any conflict, grievance, trauma, or other difficult situation. It is an ideal tool for those who want to learn about and practice forgiveness on their own.
Forgiveness Meditation CD by Eileen Barker
This is a guided visualization for forgiving, healing and letting go of conflict. Whether you are dealing with a current situation, or carrying the burden of a longstanding conflict from the past, the CD guides you to forgive the other person and yourself, as you release the conflict from your life and restore yourself to peace. It is a wonderful companion to the workbook, that helps integrate your forgiveness work.
Both can be ordered here: http://thepathofforgiveness.com/tools/
How Do You Know If You’re Conflict Weary?
If You Have to Ask…You Are
by Laura L. Noah
MA in Dispute Resolution
Advanced Family Practitioner Level Member of ACR
www.noahmediation.com
Mediator Geoff Sharp asked an important question in his blog mediator blah ... blah ...: "How do you know when you're conflict weary?" Mediator burn out is something we just don’t seem to discuss as a field. Yet it’s a very real, very important one for all professionals working in conflict resolution. Mediators may benefit from resources other professionals have provided around “compassion fatigue” and “secondary trauma.” These are terms most often associated with the care-taking professions such as the medical field or social work but the concepts are not lost on dispute resolution professionals. Most importantly, however, we as mediators need to be honest about the impact that the work we do has on us both physically and emotionally. Perhaps it is because of the pressure to maintain neutrality that keeps us from admitting and expressing some of the negative consequences of our work. Or perhaps it’s because we’re all martyrs in some way or another that makes admitting our own weaknesses difficult. What mediator hasn’t heard a stranger, upon learning of our chosen profession, exclaim over how brave and patient and strong we must be to do the work that we do? It takes all of those things, including an ability to absorb people’s most negative emotions and release them back into the universe in a non-destructive way, to be a successful mediator. Yet some of that negativity will inevitably stay with us no matter how good or strong or understanding or patient or experienced we are. Even the best mediators in the world need help and support. As a profession, we need to have more honest conversations about the impact that our work has on us, and develop resources, tools, and coping mechanisms to better address the accumulation of emotional baggage unique to our field before we lose too many more good people to burn out.
Geoff asked: “How do you know when you’re conflict weary?” I think if a mediator is asking him or herself that question, then he or she already knows the answer. Perhaps the next question is: what do I need to take care of myself? Are there people both within and outside of my profession whom I trust will help me through this? Can I take care of myself while I’m continuing to do the work, do I need to take a short break from the work to take care of myself, or should I consider a long, perhaps permanent break?
I think, regardless of how much any of us love what we do, it’s okay – and essential – that as mediators we recognize when we’re tired and burnt out, that we create the space to support one another around it, and that we stop pretending we’re impervious to pain.
*****
Two helpful resources if you think you may be becoming burned out:
1. Compassion Fatigue Self-Test from Ace. This test helps you gauge your current level of compassion fatigue and your Burn Out Quotient. Click here
2. ACRSS Rocky Mount Retreat. If your work requires you to engage your conflict resolution skills on a regular basis, and you’re reaching the end of your rope, come get rejuvenated at the ACRSS Rocky Mountain Retreat, which is designed to help sustain and nurture you, the mediation practitioner.
Michael John Aloi, Immediate Past President, ACR; Past Co-Chair, ACR Spirituality Section (ACRSS) and Past President WV State Bar had this to say about his experiences with the ACRSS Rocky Mountain Retreat:
“I’ve found the Rocky Mountain Retreat to be a transformational professional and personal experience. I know firsthand that I must first nurture and know myself before I can ever help others. I found myself surrounded by beautiful people in a beautiful setting. And I learned to think and feel about my work in a new and powerful way."
For a detailed agenda about this retreat (July 29-31; optional pre-retreat day July 28), visithttp://www.mediate.com/acrspirituality/pg59.cfm
Conflict Resolution in Church by Paul Davis
The Spiritual Side of ADR by Tim Mordaunt, Attorney –Mediator
The Compassionate Mind in Mediation by Jill Sarah Moscowitz
Bringing A Spiritual Approach to My Mediator Work by Elisabeth Seaman
Listening to Transcend Conflict by Marilyn Shannon & Deborah Isenhour
Detaching from Our Stories by Sharon Shuteran
The Holistic Practice of Conflict Resolution by Nan Waller Burnett, MAand Sally K. Ortner, J.D.
Book Review Of Collaborative Divorce Handbook: Helping Families Without Going To Court, by Nan Waller Burnett
Conflict and Spirituality by J. Patick Wares, M.D.
From Reactivity To Responsiveness: Reflections for the Rocky Mountain Retreat Presentation By Lili Zohar, JD. LL.M, RYT
Spirituality and Training by Zena Zumeta
Spiritual Intelligence in Conflict: Creating A Reflective Holistic Practice
Memoirs From The 2006 Rocky Mountain Retreat by Alexis Namaste
"Bringing Peace into the Room: the Personal Qualities of the Mediator and their Impact on the Mediation" by Daniel Bowling and David Hoffman. Click here to download the full pdf article.
" Faith Paths to Peace" Compiled by Trip Barthel ([email protected] )
Click here to download a Word document contains a collection of quotations from many faiths. Well worth reading.
Books
Calm in the Face of the Storm. “A simple daily dose, a morning gift for anyone working day in and out in the wonderfully challenging arena of conflict, mediation and peacebuilding. These short, insightful essays fill an important and too often overlooked gap in the professional field—the need to sustain our spirit, build our enthusiasm, and deepen our reservoir of compassion, the platform that from which hope rises for the necessary accompaniment of those experiencing pain and confusion in the search for meaning in the midst of conflict. This book should be located right alongside the palm pilot, the calendar, or the morning latté. Start anywhere, read in any direction—it’s a gift.” -- review by John Paul Lederach, PhD. Peacebuilder, scholar and author click here to learn more or to purchase Calm in the Face of the Storm.
Non-Adversarial Communication: Speaking and Listening from the Heart" by authors Brownell and Bache-Wiig.click here to see a review of the book by Robert C. Atchley, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Gerontology (Emeritus), Miami University, and former Chairman of the Board of Conflict Resolution Services, Oxford, Ohio.
If you would like to add an article to the Spirituality Section website, please forward your submission to Darrell Puls at [email protected].
